Easter thoughts

In 30 minutes, it will be Easter Sunday. Many people are looking forward to it to spend time with friends and family, watching their kids hunt for easter eggs, go to church, have dinner with family, etc. For me, it's not about that for me. This year, it's a very sad occasion.

Last Easter was the last holiday I got to spend with Melissa. I wish I would have known. I would have have just hugged her and not let go. I wish I never had to. As I was getting things ready for my kids here, a picture on my wall grabbed me. It was of Melissa at my parents house last easter. It was the last picture that was taken of her. It is one that I will always cherish.

I sit here, in tears, thinking about that day. It's hard to not cry when thinking about that day. I miss her. I wish she were still here, so I wouldn't have to hide eggs on my own, or make the baskets. I miss doing that with her. I want the kids to have a happy time, not one that seems like it was thrown together at the last minute. She was always the one thinking about how to make each time better than the last.

Melissa, I miss you. I love you very much. This Easter, I have to be content with you as my angel above looking over the kids. We all miss you, and love you. You are always in my thoughts. Not a day goes by that I look up to you, and smile. Thankful for the years we had together.

Happy Easter, My Love.

Getting by on life alone...

For those that read my last blog, it was just as emotional for me to write, as I'm sure as it was for you to read it. That was completely free form and from the heart. I'm sure as it gets closer, I'll write another one that will just send both writer, and reader, into uncontrollable fits of crying. But thank you for all the kind feedback and words that you have all expressed to me.

I've been re-assessing things in my life lately, to see where I stand, and more importantly, who I am. I think it is going to be an on going process for me. I've learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be, despite all the sadness that has happened to me over the past few years. I've learned that there are only barriers if you allow them to be barriers.

I've also learned that I need to be more confident in myself and my abilities. I've allowed, in the past, others doubt about me and what I can do to creep inside my psyche. I've allowed others to push me around, so to speak. I'm determined not to let that happen. I've got a great support system in my life that has made me realize that I can't let myself be beat down.

I'm not the same person I was a few months ago, I think. I've become more assertive, and don't take anyone's bullshit. (Sorry, but this is how I feel). I think back to what people have told me, and realize that they are full of it. Those are the people that I need to put in the proper place in my life. They also need to know that I won't stand for it anymore.