I've actually been up for about an hour..but oh well....
One thing that I've been learning recently is not to overthink things. I've had a tendency to do that in my life, and it gets me all worked up over (usually) nothing. But what it also does is allow me to make bad decisions in a bad frame of mind. I was told something yesterday that got me wound up, but caught myself going off to places that, honestly, probably won't happen, or affect me. That is, unless I decided to overthink it, of course. I've been learning to put things in proper perspective. It's not been an easy thing for me to learn, but I'm learning. Like everything else, it takes practice.
One big thing for me that is coming up in my oldest turns 18 next week. It's a huge milestone in both our lives. Obviously, in her life she officially becomes an adult, although I think she's been that for a couple of years. But also for me, as one of my kids is stepping over that threshold to adulthood. I am hoping that the few things that I have taught her she will use and remember for her life. It does make me feel old, but at the same time, I am very proud of her and the young woman she has become.
She also graduates high school this year, which is another milestone. I can't wait to see her walk across that stage and get that diploma. There is something about that thought that makes me somewhat emotional.
With these two big life moments coming up, I find myself thinking back to Melissa, and how she would be happy about these moments. She would be so proud of Shannon as well. We both knew how hard she has worked. I smile at the fact that Melissa will be looking down on both days, both smiling down on her.
I've been thinking lately that this year has many milestones. Two of them I've already mentioned. Another is my 40th birthday coming up in July. (Yes, I do look good for 40...thanks for mentioning it...LOL), then Logan turns 10 in November, and Megan 16 in December. It saddens me that I can't share them with Melissa, but I also know that I will be sharing them with her on some level. I do feel her presence all the time. I've felt it quite a bit this week, with our son being sick, as a calming presence to help me think and do what is best for him.
I also think that she would be happy for me in respect to where my life has gone. Throughout the time she had cancer, we always talked about the future. She always emphasized that she wanted me to be happy, and the kids to be happy. Overall, I am happy. Logan is happy (except when he doesn't get to go to the Lego store...but who wouldn't be), Holli seems to be happy, as does Shannon. Megan is happy, and is becoming quite the artist.
I have several people in my life that make me happy as well, and I hope they stay in my life for years and years to come. I don't think I would be in the good place that I am without their support.
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