Letting Go

Letting go is a part of life. Letting go of your childhood, your youth, your car, or that pen that got you through college. These are all examples of letting go.

Letting go of a person seems to be one of the most difficult things to do. When my grandfather passed a few years ago, I had some issues with that. I had a hard time letting go, as I didn't get to spend the time with him that I felt I should have. I finally let go, thinking about all of the great times we had while we had the chance. I'll never forget the time that I went to vote in the 1992 election. There was a long line, and I just got in line behind this older couple. After a few minutes, the husband turned around, and it was my grandfather. I hadn't seen him in a few years. I remember the smile he had on his face when he realized it was me. He told me how proud he was, to see that I was voting. We had a nice conversation, we voted, and went on our merry way. It was at his wake, when my aunt told me how proud he was that I was voting, taking part in the process, and he saw my name in the election logs when he went to vote every year.  I miss him very much.

Melissa helped me finally let go, and take comfort in the memories I did have with him. She was my rock at the time, and helped me through. That is something that always made me smile and take comfort.

I've learned to let somethings go with regards to Melissa. It's been a slow process for me. The first thing I had to let go of, was her. I had to do that the day she passed. It took all the willpower and strength that I had  for me not to completely break down at the moment they took her body. If there is one thing that will always be burned in my mind, is that moment. It was the last time I ever saw her. I told her even then, that I loved her.

One thing that I will never let go of is the love we had. I consider myself lucky that I had such a beautiful, smart, passionate person for a wife. I had a soulmate. Someone I could trust. I still do. She will forever be the light of my life.

I'll never let her go 100%. There is always that voice in the back of my mind that makes me think about things. To consider them, and weigh them all. But that same voice it tell me to go forward. Live Life. Enjoy it while I still have it. And I plan to. I have some very special people in my life that I plan to enjoy it with. To do that, I have to start letting go and moving forward. Melissa would want that for me.

One of the special people in my life is my son, Logan. He is my focus. My mini-me, as some would say. I love him more than I can ever express into words. He has taught me that it's okay to move on. To be happy. And I've been happy. Happier than I thought I would be at this point.

To all my friends, and you know who you are, you must be thanked as well. The support, the good times we've had over the past year plus, and the ones that we are going to have in the future have helped me more than words can express. Your understanding and love will never ever be forgotten.

I am hoping to have more uplifting blogs in the future. Most who know me, know that I am usually happy, joking (or sarcastic, which I'm very fluent in), and just plain upbeat. And I've been like that a lot lately. Because of special people. Those who actually care. And I smile about that, as I know that Melissa has helped out with that as well.