I've actually been up for about an hour..but oh well....
One thing that I've been learning recently is not to overthink things. I've had a tendency to do that in my life, and it gets me all worked up over (usually) nothing. But what it also does is allow me to make bad decisions in a bad frame of mind. I was told something yesterday that got me wound up, but caught myself going off to places that, honestly, probably won't happen, or affect me. That is, unless I decided to overthink it, of course. I've been learning to put things in proper perspective. It's not been an easy thing for me to learn, but I'm learning. Like everything else, it takes practice.
One big thing for me that is coming up in my oldest turns 18 next week. It's a huge milestone in both our lives. Obviously, in her life she officially becomes an adult, although I think she's been that for a couple of years. But also for me, as one of my kids is stepping over that threshold to adulthood. I am hoping that the few things that I have taught her she will use and remember for her life. It does make me feel old, but at the same time, I am very proud of her and the young woman she has become.
She also graduates high school this year, which is another milestone. I can't wait to see her walk across that stage and get that diploma. There is something about that thought that makes me somewhat emotional.
With these two big life moments coming up, I find myself thinking back to Melissa, and how she would be happy about these moments. She would be so proud of Shannon as well. We both knew how hard she has worked. I smile at the fact that Melissa will be looking down on both days, both smiling down on her.
I've been thinking lately that this year has many milestones. Two of them I've already mentioned. Another is my 40th birthday coming up in July. (Yes, I do look good for 40...thanks for mentioning it...LOL), then Logan turns 10 in November, and Megan 16 in December. It saddens me that I can't share them with Melissa, but I also know that I will be sharing them with her on some level. I do feel her presence all the time. I've felt it quite a bit this week, with our son being sick, as a calming presence to help me think and do what is best for him.
I also think that she would be happy for me in respect to where my life has gone. Throughout the time she had cancer, we always talked about the future. She always emphasized that she wanted me to be happy, and the kids to be happy. Overall, I am happy. Logan is happy (except when he doesn't get to go to the Lego store...but who wouldn't be), Holli seems to be happy, as does Shannon. Megan is happy, and is becoming quite the artist.
I have several people in my life that make me happy as well, and I hope they stay in my life for years and years to come. I don't think I would be in the good place that I am without their support.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentines Day
Today is a sad day for me. Today is the first Valentines day without Melissa. I've been so busy lately that I actually almost forgot about it. I'm sitting here thinking about all of the previous Valentines days that I did have with her. One of them really stands out to me though.
It was our second Valentines day together, if I recall right. I remember thinking to myself how would I impress her? Flowers seemed so obvious (and I did that the year before), chocolates would be a no brainer, yet too easy as well. Then I heard a commercial on the radio that made the decision for me. A Vermont Teddy Bear. I can hear everyone now? a Teddy bear?...Not just any Teddy Bear, but a Vermont Teddy Bear. I went to their website to see how much they were, and I was particularly taken aback by the price. $90. I thought to myself, that this bear better clean up after itself and us.
But, I decided to ask around about this. This was a new thing to me, and I thought I better ask other women what they thought. They ALL loved the idea. I was amazed by this. They all thought the price was high, but many thought it was worth it. So I decided to purchase one.
This turned out to be the best gift idea I ever had. She absolutely loved it. It was an angel bear, as she was a big Anne Geddes fan, and one of her favorites was an angel picture. I have never forgotten that one. When we moved from Mass to Ohio, she made sure the bear came with us. That always made me feel good. I still have the bear, although honestly I don't know where it's at currently. I think it's in a bin next to the bed.
Thinking about that bear does get me emotional. Sitting down to view Facebook and write this blog, all the emotions and feelings that I have been too busy to deal with are now assaulting me. I miss her terribly, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her, and look up to the sky and talk to her. It is times and days like this that I have to stop and think about it, and that is when the emotion comes pouring out.
I have so many good things in my life right now. I feel like I owe it all to Melissa. I wish that she was here to share it with, but I think that she is looking down on me smiling, and enjoying it with me.
Melissa, I love you. With all my heart. I miss you so much. Thank you for all the Valentine Days we spend together. Fourteen of them. Some don't get two. I cherish those days, just like I cherished all the days we had together.
I love you.
It was our second Valentines day together, if I recall right. I remember thinking to myself how would I impress her? Flowers seemed so obvious (and I did that the year before), chocolates would be a no brainer, yet too easy as well. Then I heard a commercial on the radio that made the decision for me. A Vermont Teddy Bear. I can hear everyone now? a Teddy bear?...Not just any Teddy Bear, but a Vermont Teddy Bear. I went to their website to see how much they were, and I was particularly taken aback by the price. $90. I thought to myself, that this bear better clean up after itself and us.
But, I decided to ask around about this. This was a new thing to me, and I thought I better ask other women what they thought. They ALL loved the idea. I was amazed by this. They all thought the price was high, but many thought it was worth it. So I decided to purchase one.
This turned out to be the best gift idea I ever had. She absolutely loved it. It was an angel bear, as she was a big Anne Geddes fan, and one of her favorites was an angel picture. I have never forgotten that one. When we moved from Mass to Ohio, she made sure the bear came with us. That always made me feel good. I still have the bear, although honestly I don't know where it's at currently. I think it's in a bin next to the bed.
Thinking about that bear does get me emotional. Sitting down to view Facebook and write this blog, all the emotions and feelings that I have been too busy to deal with are now assaulting me. I miss her terribly, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her, and look up to the sky and talk to her. It is times and days like this that I have to stop and think about it, and that is when the emotion comes pouring out.
I have so many good things in my life right now. I feel like I owe it all to Melissa. I wish that she was here to share it with, but I think that she is looking down on me smiling, and enjoying it with me.
Melissa, I love you. With all my heart. I miss you so much. Thank you for all the Valentine Days we spend together. Fourteen of them. Some don't get two. I cherish those days, just like I cherished all the days we had together.
I love you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)