Two years

It has been two years since my wife, Melissa Fraize-Morris, passed away in Chelsmford, Ma. She lost her life in a brave and courageous battle with colorectal cancer. Words aren't enough to convey how sad I was that day. Even now, I struggle to find the words. 

What I don't struggle with, is describing how I still feel about her. Love and admiration are the first things that come to mind. I loved her so much. I know that she loved me as well. It was one of those relationships that some people only dream about. She was my soulmate. Yes, we had our ups and downs over the 14  years we knew each other. What couple doesn't. 

So much has happened since she has passed. Logan is going to a regular school, and doing well. I feel that she has had a hand in that. This was our goal for him. I'm sad that she didn't get to see it happen, although I know she is smiling from above, very proud of him. He has even had a few experiences, such as going to a camp, that had helped him grow as a person. I know she was there with him.

Holli is growing into a beautiful young woman. She is so passionate, like her mother. Holli has been been through so much in her life, but like her mom, rose above all of it, and not let it define her. I couldn't be any more proud of her.

And me? I'm in a much better place than I was last year. I'm happy, and don't get as emotional now. I don't think she would want me to, as I have other things that I need to do and take care of, like Logan. She has, in my mind, had a hand in my happiness now. 

Although this is supposed to be a sad day, I have nothing but good memories in my mind today. Fourteen years of great memories, great times that no one can take away from me. We have two great and awesome kids together, and I see her in Logan everyday, and in Holli with each conversation we have. 

Melissa, I love you and miss you very much.

Moving Forward to the Past

Those that follow this blog, know what Memorial Day weekend is to me. Two years ago this Monday, the love of my life, Melissa Fraize-Morris, passed away. I could sit here and type out my feeling about this, but that will wait until Monday morning. But I did mark a major milestone today.

I've spend the past day going through things in my basement. It's been a long time coming, but something that needed to be done. I've been sitting on things and allowing items to stay in my basement, taking it over. And I did what I thought it would take me longer to do. I went through and donated all the clothing that Melissa had. Her shoes, coats, just about everything. I kept a few things that have sentimental value to me.

All the while I was doing this, I kept hearing a voice in the back of my head saying, "Why did you wait so long to do this?". That voice would be Melissa's. The answer? I really don't know. Probably a combination of laziness, time, and letting go of things. The last part was a little hard, but I realized, with the help of a few people, that I the things don't represent her, just things she owned. And that makes sense. She would have wanted me to pay it forward, giving her things to others in need, giving them hope and motivation to better themselves.

And then, something else happened. As I was moving things, opening up containers, bags etc., I came across something I had been looking for. It was a video tape from 2007. Christmas of that year meant alot to me for  some reason at that time, and still does, although in a different way now. That was the year that Holly got her cell phone.It wasn't for that fact it meant alot, but her reaction to it does. Her face, and practically flying at me says how much she appreciated it. We didn't have alot that year, so we made sure the kids had something. I have a feeling that Melissa was saving me finding that till this weekend.

I feel Melissa's presence everyday. I feel it when I'm at work, keeping me motivated. i feel it in my life, as she's helped lightening strike twice in my life. She was the first strike, and then shortly after she passed, allowed it to strike me again. I love you forever, as I know you show me how much I still mean to you.

Milestones

This weekend, Logan had his first chess tournament. The first of many to come, I hope. He had five matches, and went 1-4. The record doesn't matter though. The fact he wanted to go, and saw it through to the medal ceremony was huge to me. But something else happened there, that while I knew he could do it, and had been doing it, that I got to see for the first time.

Six years ago, Logan started at Step by Step Academy. He was a much different child back then. Not very verbal, very aggressive, and didn't show any kind of affection. Basically, in his own world. After getting on virtually every single waitlist we could find, We finally got accepted by Step by Step. Melissa worked tirelessly to get him in somewhere, so we could try and get him out of his world, and begin the move to ours.

Over the years, so many people have worked with him, got him to open up, and generally get him to the point he's at today. They deserve so much of the credit of allowing him to be in a regular school, as they helped him, and us, achieve that goal.

What I saw, getting back to the first paragraph, was him wanting to go outside to play. The tournament was at a church on the east side. Outside the room that was set aside for his school's team, was a playset with a slide, rope, swing, etc. There was some time between his last match and the medal ceremony. He wanted to go out and play. I watched him for a bit. Watching him run around, playing tag, and just chasing other kids (as well as being chased), almost made me cry. Just to watch him do that, made everything that we did at SBSA worth it. That few minutes watching him play was some of the most amazing minutes of my life.

He's one awesome kid, and I'm humbled to be his father and dad. I'm sure Melissa was smiling down as well, and would be as proud, if not prouder, than I am of him.

I love you, Logan....