Back to reality...

I got a "letter" from my Mother-in-Law today. I saw the envelope and I was curious to see what they had sent me. I opened the letter up, and she had sent me a collage of pictures of a bench in Venice, Fl. This bench had a plaque on it with Melissa's name on it. She had taken images of it from different spots around, and from inside the ice cream shoppe it is outside of.

I knew that they were going to do this. I wish it was there when I was down there at Thanksgiving. What I didn't think would happen, was I got really sad. It just hit me really hard. I'm not sure why. It was just one of those things that happened.

I've been thinking alot about her lately. All the things we did together, places we went, even the food we ate. It hurts sometimes, but most times, I smile, and thank her for all the times we had together. She helped me become the father that I am today. By no means am I perfect, just better than I was.


Thank you Melissa. And, as always, I love you.

Another weekend gone by

Well..another weekend in the books. One big thing was that my middle daughter, Holli, turned 16 years old. I've very proud of the young woman she has turned into. She has really grown, and the sky is the limit for her. She spent her birthday weekend in Disney, and judging from some of the pictures, it looks like she had a lot of fun.

On my end, pretty typical weekend. Spent time with Megan and Shannon. Megan is really beginning to show her artistic side. She also organized all of the paints, brushes and art stuff that I had in my closet. I brought them down in the basement, and the spent a good amount of time working on it. She also has Melissa's large canvas, and it working on something. So far, it looks good, and I can't wait to see the final product.

Shannon worked most of the weekend. She also did pep band at her school on Saturday. She's looking forward to graduating and getting on with her life. I support her no matter what, as a father should. I'm probably as excited about it as she is.

Logan just is having a blast in his room. He has a computer, legos, and a DVD player with a TV in there. He is a very happy boy. It will be sad to see him leave SBSA, but I know it's for the best, and will help him achieve even greater things.

I was sad that I had to spend Holli's 16th birthday away from her. I really wish that Melissa was here to celebrate with her and as a family. I know that she is watching over right now, but that is a small comfort.

I did discover a new band over the weekend though. It is called Sixx AM. It is a side project of the bass player for Motley Crue, Nikki Sixx. The album I downloaded, This is Gonna Hurt, is, from top to bottom, one of the better albums I have heard in a long time. I can't say enough good about them. I highly recommend you give them a listen. And when you do, listen to the lyrics...they are as powerful as the music.

Friday the 13th musings

I think the word irony would describe my life at times. It seems that Friday the 13th, while unlucky for most people, is associated with so many good things in my life. Allow me to explain, (which I will, as this is my blog)

The first thing that happened good to me, is the birth of my youngest daughter, Megan. She was born on a Friday the 13th in December. She has grown into a very wonderful young woman. I am very proud of her.

The second thing is I graduate college on a Friday the 13th, six months after Megan was born. One of the best days of my life.

Next thing, is I had the wedding rehearsal for the wedding with Melissa. I remember just being so happy that day, knowing that the next day, would be the first step in what I consider the best journey that I have ever been on. It began a journey that lasted close to 12 years. It is a journey that I loved, and will always treasure in my heart.

It took over 12 years to have a good Friday the 13th again, but it happened today. I had a dr appt, and I had to have some lab work done today. Now, I have a huge fear of needles, especially blood needles. I was determined to do it. My rationale was that if Melissa could do it for the 2 and a half years she doggedly fought her cancer, I had to man up for this one time.

Now, to set the stage, I walk in to the room, and the first thing I see is the chair. The best way to describe it would be to take a hospital chair that you would see in a lobby, add one of those folding desktops (with padding) you see in High School, and that was what I saw when I first walked in. My first thought (as I was already psyching myself out) was that I was about to be some weird lab experiment. But that didn't deter me.

Now, the nurse started to check for a good vein, and she looked at both arms. When I heard her let out a frustrated sigh, I just told myself she was tired (which, in retrospect, not the best thought to have). She then told me I have small veins. Now, I felt that confidence just ooze out of my body. My thoughts turned to, how many holes am I about to get in my arms?

Just as that thought entered, she swabbed my arm, and stuck the needle in. Now, I was distracting myself by talking with the nurse about a random topic. Next thing I know, we are done.

My fear of needles has lessened a bit, but to claim all the credit would be wrong of me. I felt a calming presence there today that told me to stop being a wussy. Yes, that would be Melissa.

Thank you for getting me through this, and giving me the confidence to do it. You would have been proud of me. I love you for that.


To say that Friday the 13th's have been good to me is an understatement. It's given me untold good times.

New Year, FIrst Post

It's been 9 days since the beginning of the new year. So far, it has treated me well. I've started two of the things I would like to do in the new year. First one is beginning to eat better. I've been eating more fruit, in the form of pineapple chunks and mixed fruit in the morning, and a bit more salad. I feel a bit better, although it's just the beginning. I need to start walking more, and doing more physical things.

The other item is getting organized and creating some space in my house. I went through the upstairs closet and moved out some items. I am thinking of creating an arts and crafts section in my basement. Most of the items I moved out were paints and brushes. I think the kids would like to have that in my house, as a way to be connected to, and honor Melissa.

It's nice to have some space in my pantry now. I am going to start stocking up on food and juices so I don't have to shop as much.I'll have to start learning how to extreme coupon...LOL....and fill my house with crap I don't need, like 1000 bottles of recalled Excederin....