New Years

Every year, people make New Years Resolutions at this time. I tend to find these a bit boring, as most of them are broken within a week. But, with everything that has happened to me this year, I thought that I would do a few things different. So, without further ado, let's get to it...

1. I plan on getting more done, so I don't have as much stress in my life. I have a few things that are on my plate, that I need to at the very least, get moving forward. They may not happen all this year, which I'm okay with.

2. Communicate better. This has been something that I've had issues with others (still do). Now, this does NOT mean I will tell everyone everything. In fact, I should clarify that I will tell people what is needed, and nothing extra.

3. Focus much more on Logan. This is important, as he's in a critical phase of his development, in my opinion. Between his eating plan, and getting him transitioned to a regular school, it's critical I focus on him.

4. Enjoy Life and what it has to offer. This is important as well. Melissa would want this from me, and I plan on doing that.

I think these are do able. In fact, I can probably say that this time next year, I accomplished alot. Here is to 2012, which should be MUCH MUCH better than 2011

Christmas Eve Eve

With Christmas being so close, I want to take an opportunity to thank everyone for keeping me going this year. This, without a doubt, has been the toughest year I have ever had. The end of the year is bringing some emotions to me, as this was Melissa's favorite time of year, for many different reasons.

The most important reason to her was family. She enjoyed having family around, especially during the holidays. It made her relaxed, and happy. It was especially important when she was(officially) diagnosed, which was 3 years ago today. While it was a huge blow to us, having her parents here helped with some of the blow. Sadly, her parents could not be here this year, as it would be hard for my Father in law to travel right now.


To say I haven't been crying, would be a lie. It's really hard this year to be happy at Christmas time. Christmas morning is going to be hell, to be blunt. Not having my best friend there to share our kids excitement on Christmas morning is going to be very hard. She lived for those moments, and those are some of the fondest moments I have with her. It's been hard, especially the past few days, as I've had more time to think about it, being on a break from work.

But it is her love and that voice in the back of my head, telling me it's okay, that she is in a better place now. She's able to enjoy Christmas now, instead of worrying about all the pain she was in. I know that she will be there Christmas morning, as she would want to be there to see the looks on the kids faces as they open their presents. To me, that is the best gift I could get this year.

There is a saying that you don't know what you've got, until it's gone. I knew what I had the moment I met her. I had a loving, caring woman that had a passion for life, family, and most of all, her children. She had, and still has, love for all four of our kids. She embraced my daughters as they were her own. She, to me, was the perfect mother. I had someone that brought me to a better place, and made me a better person and husband. She helped make the world a better place through her work at Step by Step Academy.

Melissa, I miss you. I love you. Nothing will ever change that. And thank you. Thank you for loving me, allowing me into your life for 14 years. Sharing the good and bad times. We had more than our share of ups and downs together. But I could not have asked for a better partner to navigate the rough seas of life with.

Merry Christmas, Melissa. I Love you

Holiday Feelings.....

It's been awhile since I've written on here. I get so wrapped up in the day to day things that I forget about this. Yet right now, I need this.

I've been talking with people about the "year of firsts". That first birthday, anniversary, kid's birthdays without you. Right now, I've hit Thanksgiving, Logan's Birthday, and next is Megan's birthday, Christmas, then Holly's in January, then Shannon's 18th in March...all right in a row. It hit me hard today that you won't be there for them. This is your favorite time of year. You loved to bake cookies, and I so loved the smell of them when you did. I was your "taste tester" as my belly proves. It makes me sad sometimes when I come home now, and all I see is the kitchen empty, all the baking supplies still in the cabinet. It hits me hard that you are no longer with me.

Christmas morning is going to be the toughest morning I will have since you passed. I'm afraid that I won't be able to get up and be as joyful as in years past. I think back to the past Christmas mornings, and smile at them, as they were happy moments. This year, I hope it is. I hope that everyone understands if I'm not in that jolly mood, because I will be missing you alot that day.

I know that you will be there, watching. The only ornament I hung, was the angel one I found that looks so much like you. I cried so hard when I found that, knowing that you were here with me, watching over us. What I wouldn't give to hold you again.

I Love you Baby....